There is a haunting quote by William Faulkner that speaks to how our past is alive in the present, it is still impacting and influencing us. He writes, “The past is never dead; it’s not even past.” I have found this to be true time and time again when I work with people who have experienced childhood trauma–their past is alive in the present and guiding their thoughts and behavior seemingly unknowingly.

We are all shaped and formed by our past experiences. Sometimes the past “shows up” in the present in the way we interact with others and the kinds of relationships we find ourselves in. This is referred to as our attachment style or style of relating.

According to attachment pioneer John Bowlby and later theorists Mary Ainsworth and Mary Main, there are four attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant and disorganized. Secure attachment is the result of having caregivers who were aware of their own emotions and behaviors and consistently emotionally available to their children; this allowed the child to feel a sense of safety as well as valued and understood. Some of the signs of a secure attachment include: the ability to regulate your own emotions, comfortable being alone, the ability to trust others, high self-esteem, and emotional availability. Below are brief overviews of the three insecure attachment types from PsychCentral: