A few weeks ago, Maggie and I returned to our alma matter to share how a specific course had influenced our training and continued to impact our clinical work. We reconnected with former professors and classmates, as well as new new students who were just beginning the same journey we had once been on.
As I reflect on that experience, I feel acutely aware that I am no longer the person who once sat in those classrooms hoping to gleaned every piece of wisdom I could. Now, looking back, I feel both surprised and encouraged to see how much I have changed – but that change didn’t happen all at once. There was no single dramatic turning point, but instead, years of steady, slow growth. This is the kind of growth that you only notice when you take a step back and see yourself from a new angle.
It brings to mind something my mentor often says, which I often repeat in my own therapy practice: good growth is slow growth.
Slow Growth in Therapeutic Work
My experience is strikingly similar to what happens during therapy. Meeting with a therapist for an hour each week may feel like a small amount of time, but this steady work adds up over time and spills over into other parts of your life, even when you don’t realize it. It’s incremental.
It reminds me of when I return to my kids after a weekend away. Suddenly they seem taller, older, and more mature, even though their changes happened gradually while I was with them day to day, and not in the few days I was not. Emotional growth works the same way. We change, even when we cannot see it yet.
“Good growth is slow growth.”
Good growth happens quietly, beneath the surface, until one day, something that used to overwhelm you feels more manageable. A conversation goes differently. A familiar trigger doesn’t land as sharply. And you realize: something has shifted.
When Therapy Feels Difficult or Pointless
While it is encouraging to notice this growth, it can also be a difficult process. Just like physical growing pains, emotional growth can ache. Therapy can feel uncomfortable, confusing, frustratingly slow, and even pointless at times.
When we begin noticing patterns, old wounds, or long-held defenses, it can feel destabilizing before it feels relieving. This is one reason long-term therapy is so powerful: it creates enough safety and consistency to stay with the hard parts instead of turning away from them.
Knowing that discomfort is part of the process doesn’t always make it any easier to bear, but it can be helpful to remember that even the tension, between “this his hard” and “this matters,” is a normal part of therapeutic work.
Therapy Helps You Identify What You Can’t Alone
One great thing about therapy is you get to have a witness to your progress and support as you bear the slowness of it. As a therapist, one of my roles is to help you notice what you may not notice on your own. Not only unseen patterns but moments of growth like:
- new ways of responding
- increased self-awareness
- more emotional range
- decreased self-judgement
- clearer boundaries
Healing isn’t always dramatic or glamourous. There isn’t usually a finish line with a crowd of folks cheering for you or a big reveal like we so often see on TV make-over shows, but having a therapist in your corner can help you recognize and celebrate these moments.
If you’re in therapy that feels slow right now, that doesn’t mean it isn’t working. Sometimes the most important growth is happening in ways you can’t yet see.
And if you’re considering starting therapy, know that growth doesn’t have to be rushed to be meaningful. Asking someone to walk alongside you can make the process more tolerable, more visible, and dare I say more productive.
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