Every January, the phrase “New Year, New You” floods social media, advertisements, and conversations. It embraces the idea of starting with a clean slate and beckons a chance to reinvent oneself. It sounds inspiring, and while I do think that there is some wisdom in new beginnings, I think it’s important to recognize that we never truly start over.
Why It’s Not Helpful
Illusion of Erasure
The truth is that our past always influences our present in both ways we are aware of and in ways we are not. “New Year, New You” implies that we are somehow able to escape our past and discard the hard parts of our lives. As if we can erase what we don’t like. But that’s not reality. Our past experiences (both painful and joyful as well as what we remember and what we forget) shape who we are. We can’t simply delete them or forget them. Healing means acknowledging the wholeness of who we are, the perceived good and bad, and integrating those parts rather than pretending they never existed.
A Focus on Brokenness
“New Year, New You” suggests that we are broken and need to be fixed, that we are not good enough as we are. This simply isn’t true, of anyone. While we all have growth areas and things we’d love to change or improve, I firmly believe that no one is “broken.” This mindset only leads to shame and self-criticism, which research shows are poor motivators for lasting change. (Yes, that inner critic may produce some initial or quick results, but it is usually short-lived and accompanied by an even larger inner critic that decreases one’s sense of self.) Growth thrives on self-compassion, not self-rejection.
Strengths Are Ignored
We all already have many qualities worth celebrating. Focusing solely on what needs fixing blinds us to the resilience and progress we’ve made and, as noted above, it can also lead to shame and self-criticism. Positive change builds on what’s already strong within ourselves. Seeing our growth and celebrating our success helps us tap into an intrinsic form of motivation that comes from within. This is in contrast to the high-stakes implied messages that often accompany “New Year, New You.” It can feel like if we fail at our new years’ resolution that we’ve failed for the entire year. This pressure can spike anxiety and make change feel like punishment rather than self-care.
All-or-Nothing Thinking
“New Year, New You” frames change as a complete overhaul rather than a gradual process. This often leads to unrealistic goals and disappointment when life inevitably gets messy. Real growth happens in small, sustainable steps, not overnight transformations. And frankly, overnight transformations are not only unrealistic, they’re kind of unhealthy. Consider how you’d feel if someone you loved changed significantly overnight, whether it was their body size, intelligence, or emotional stability. I know I would be concerned and suggest that they see a doctor. As humans we are designed for incremental change, not rapid overnight change. As my mentor says, “good growth is slow growth.”
A Better Approach
A desire to change or begin something new isn’t a bad thing, but it isn’t a command each January nor should it be motivated by shame. Instead of chasing a “new you,” consider embracing a “whole you.”
If you’d like to take some incremental steps towards growth, I’d suggest that you:
- Start small: Choose one new habit that feels doable to make part of your regular routine, as adding something is often easier than removing something.
- Honor your story: Your past isn’t a flaw, it is a testament to the strength and resilience you’ve shown to get to where you are today.
- Practice self-compassion: Change is hard; treat yourself kindly and practice self-care along the way.
If you’re into journaling, the following prompts may also spur some reflection:
- What inner strengths have I drawn on to get through hard times?
- What lessons have my challenges taught me that I want to carry forward?
- What do I appreciate about who I am right now?
- If growth is about integration, what part of my story needs more compassion this year?
- What is one small, realistic (not perfectionistic) intention I can set that aligns with my values?
As always, we’re here if you want to talk and cheering for you in your healing journey.
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