Last week, Maggie shared about her therapeutic orientation, building on my post from two weeks ago that explained what a therapeutic alliance is and why it’s important. This week, I’ll share about my own orientation and how it guides the work I do.

Radical Self-Love in Therapy: How I Approach Healing and Growth

At the heart of my decision to become a therapist is my belief that everyone deserves to feel their inherent value and know without reservation that they are loved and belong. People often hear this and think it’s just about being accepted and loved by others, and vice-versa, loving and accepting others – which is important – but from my perspective, psychologically, we more critically need to feel loved by ourselves, which is sometimes harder to access. It’s easy to oversimplify this, but I believe this kind of love is a deeply radical love that authorizes a person to freely explore and engage their interior and exterior worlds. Through this experience, people can move toward growth and flourishing. A love and acceptance of one’s authentic self enables genuine connection with others which in turn expands one’s love of self and others. I believe it’s with this foothold that people can find purpose and satisfaction in their lives, and learn to face uncertainty and hardship instead of repress it.

My Therapy Orientation: Trauma-Informed, Psychodynamic, and Existential Healing

In my therapeutic work, I draw from a handful of theories and frameworks (many of which overlap with Maggie’s approach, so I will do my best not to repeat her words). I take a trauma-informed approach, leveraging British Object Relations (a psychodynamic theory), interpersonal neurobiology, and existential psychology. Each of these approaches already have volumes written about them so I will only briefly summarize why I find each valuable and how I incorporate them into my practice.

Trauma-Informed Therapy: Meeting You Where You Are

Trauma-informed therapy is often just a buzzword in therapeutic settings but it’s been a crucial part of my training. Trauma comes in many forms, including “big-T trauma” (generally a highly impactful significant event that causes harm and is socially accepted as traumatic) and “little-t trauma” (experiences that are harmful for some people but not all; these events may or may not be socially accepted as traumatic), as well as single events or many experiences over time that create a pattern of trauma (complex trauma). Understanding that trauma isn’t one thing and is more about a person’s response to their experience helps me stay focused on my patient and meeting them where it is safe for them to explore, without judgement or any pressure to disclose anything.

British Object Relations: Understanding Early Relationships

I use the psychodynamic theory of British Object Relations (BOR) to think about how my patients may have internalized their early relationships and how they may still be impacting them today. My job is to welcome my patient and their experience, to respect their defenses, and act as a mirror, reflecting back what is shared, to help them begin to see themselves from a new perspective. This frame provides a model for and encourages self-awareness and self-acceptance. It also promotes an increased capacity to engage difficult experiences instead of repressing or projecting them. As a psychodynamic theory, BOR embraces the idea of the unconscious and working with it. I believe that exploring unconscious processes and patterns is a critical part of helping us look beyond symptoms and toward true growth and integration.

Interpersonal Neurobiology: The Brain and Emotional Regulation

The brain science made available to us through interpersonal neurobiology is useful for understanding how and why our emotions sometimes “get the better” of us. The simplified hand model of the brain and the window of tolerance not only help me understand what is happening for my patients, but they are also extremely useful as a psycho-educational tool. Many patients find relief in understanding that they, and those they love, are not intentionally reacting in big or confusing ways, but that it is the nervous system working to protect them. Parents in particular find this eye-opening and it often helps re-shape how we see ourselves and those around us. It enables a greater sense of connection and reduces many shame-based beliefs.

Existential Psychology: Finding Meaning and Purpose

The realities of being human and living in an imperfect world are sometimes hard to deal with – life, death, injustice, and the meaning of life are just some of these ideas that can be difficult to make sense of – which is why I find existential psychology useful. These philosophical ideas draw from moments of extreme hardship (such as Viktor Frankl’s experiences in concentration camps during the Holocaust) again turn us toward, and not away, painful experiences so that we can address them. By brining awareness to these existential dilemmas we can move toward acceptance and work to live more authentically and find fulfillment through purpose and meaning.

A Lifelong Journey of Healing and Learning

Learning and healing involve processes of discovering, reconnecting, and growing and it is helpful to involve others. This gives us someone to walk through vulnerable moments with us and helps stretch and challenge us. These ideas and theories, like anything meaningful, are and should be, fluid. We must always be learning and open to new ideas – from books and theorists, but also from each other, clinicians and patients alike, as well as our own experiences. Changing our minds because we’ve learned new information or had a new experience is good and important work and as I continue my clinical work, I expect my theoretical orientation to evolve as well.

If you’d like support on your own journey, or simply want to share your reflections, we’d love to hear from you. Contact us today to start a conversation.

References & Influences:

• Axline, Virginia M. Dibs in Search of Self: Personality Development in Play Therapy.
• Brown, Teresa L. Fry. “Avoiding Asphyxiation: A Womanist Perspective on Intrapersonal and Interpersonal Transformation.” In Embracing the Spirit, edited by Emilie M. Townes, 72-96. Maryknoll, NY: Orbis Books, 1997.
• Davis, Madeline & Wallbridge, David. Boundary and Space: An Introduction to the Work of D.W. Winnicott.
• Eaton, Jeffrey. A Fruitful Harvest.
• Eaton, Jeffrey. (2015). Building a floor for experience: A Model for Thinking About Children’s Experience. In N. Tracey (Ed.), Transgenerational trauma and the aboriginal preschool child: Healing through intervention (pp. 41-70). Rowman & Littlefield Publishers.
• Eger, Edith E. The Choice: Embrace the possible.
• Foo, Stephanie. What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma
• Frankl, Viktor E. Man’s Search for Meaning: An Introduction to Logotherapy.
• Harper, Lisa Sharon. The Very Good Gospel: How Everything Wrong can be Made Right.
• Kimmerer, Robin Wall. Braiding Sweet Grass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge, and the Teaching of Plants.
• Kushner, Aviya, The Grammar of God: A Journey Into the Words and Worlds of the Bible
• McBride, Hillary. Holy Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing.
• Rogers, Annie. A Shining Affliction: A Story of Harm and Healing in Psychotherapy
• Rogers, Annie. The Unsayable: The Hidden Language of Trauma.
• Siegel, Dan.The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are.
• Shroyer, Danielle. Original Blessing: Putting Sin in Its Rightful Place.
• van der Kolk, Bessel. The Body Keeps the Score.
• Watkins, M., & Shulman, H. Toward Psychologies of Liberation.
• Winnicott, Donald. W. Playing and Reality.